"The Social Contract" Part 1

Chances are that if you are reading this, then you have asked a person “How are you doing today?”, and received an answer right along the lines of, if not exactly, “Good, how about yourself?” This seemingly first instinct that you act upon when greeting a person (whether you know them or not) is known as the Social Contract.


The Social Contract is this “social grace” that so many people all over the world partake in, yet oh so few realize they are doing it. It consists of these social rules and guidelines that we follow seemingly by instinct, without thinking so much as twice about it. The Social Contract can easily be seen in action in our daily lives, in numerous situations. It bonds us all to give out this cookie-cutter way of interacting with other people in situations as varied as saying hello to an acquaintance, or listening to someone unburden their soul; the Social Contract is there. Yet the question remains, is this Social Contract a good thing, placed in order to help guide us all through daily rituals, or is it a bad thing, causing people to stop showing genuine care and concern for one another?

For example, have you ever stumbled across an acquaintance of yours who asked, “How are you doing?”, only to continue to keep walking right by you, only turning around slightly to wait for your response of “Good, thanks, and you?” Stop and ponder the situation for a moment; do you truly believe that the person actually cared to hear about how you were really doing if they continued to walk right by, almost as if in their mind, they already figured out that you would know it would be convenient for them if you replied within the rules of the Social Contract, by saying “Good, thanks, and you?” After all, had you replied “Horrible, everything in my life is just off track”, do you think they would have been shocked, especially since they may actually need to turn around and actually talk to you? How do you think they would react? You see, although so many people daily exchange that cookie-cutter greeting, very few—if any—mean it. They simply ask because it seems like the right, sociable thing to do, yet they don’t truly care as to what your answer may be. They are just expecting to hear the same response that they would give, whether it is the truth or not.

Or perhaps you have been in a situation when you are with a friend and you have a decision to be made over which movie to watch. You insist that you truly don’t care which movie you watch, and encourage your friend to pick. Your friend, in return, insists that you choose the movie, and that she truly doesn’t care either. When you finally cave in and state your preference, your friend is very obviously disappointed, and many times will just go ahead and play the movie that they had wanted to see all along, quickly and easily dismissing your suggestion. Why then, did the friend even ask for your opinion, if they had every intent to play what they wanted too all along? Did the friend truly even care about your opinion? Apparently not, but why then did she insist upon hearing it? The Social Contract strikes yet again. Your friend was doing the ‘sociable’ and polite thing to do according to the contract, yet in the end, she truly did not care as to what your opinion was.

Maybe you have gone to a friend, or an acquaintance whom you thought would care, and unburdened your soul to them, needing an encouraging word or a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps you had simply dreadful news, such as your dad leaving your family, or your mom becoming an alcoholic. Have you ever received that blank, “deer in the headlights” look as a response? Have you ever just received “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ll pray for you!” Yet, do you truly believe that they actually meant to go home and keep you in prayer, or that they actually dwelt much on the ‘unsettling’ news? Or perhaps you’ve found it strange when they claim they will keep you in prayer, yet they are not religious, or do not believe in God? This is just one of the many examples of a “filler” sentence. It is a sentence that an individual tends to pull out of a grab bag for when they don’t have anything else to say, or if they don’t truly care or want to dwell on the “uneasy” news that will dampen their day. Once again, it shows insincerity and lack of genuine care.

You see, the Social Contract is something that nearly everyone partakes in, whether they realize it or not. Perhaps the few people who do realize what they are partaking in think it’s a good thing, a sort of “social grace”, or mere “human interaction” to put up for people. Yet out of the three situations we looked at, was it really a good thing at all? Did the people truly care about you, or show genuine concern? Did they give any sign of actually being there for you if the going gets tough, or even any sign of being a listening ear for if you are having a bad day, and could use some encouragement? The Social Contract, in my opinion, is a menacing thing to be bond to, especially when you realize that you have been partaking in it. The Social Contract simply creates this overall lack of sincerity and genuine care between the interactions of people.

I dare you to break away from the unlawful bonds of the Social Contract. I dare you to be sincere and express genuine care and concern in your daily interactions with people. Perhaps the world would not seem like such a big, lonely place if humans were to once and for all break off from the deceitfulness of the Social Contract.




Not sure how to counteract the Social Contract? Stay tuned for Part 2 where we'll tie in the Bible, how to express genuine care as we are called to, and how to answer the question truthfully yourself.

My Memories Giveaway Winner!

Using random.org, I set it to choose one number at random between 1 and 24(since there were 24 comments).
Comment number 18 was our lucky winner! Congrats to Lindsey with the winning comment of,

"I visited the website. Looks so neat!!


I loved the "Reflections" designs.

-Lindsey

P.S. Rather not share my email. I'll send it to you, though. "


 Congrats, Lindsey! Send me your e-mail address at becomingahopefulromantic@yahoo.com!

Thanks to all who entered, and have a Happy New Year!

My Memories--A Review and Giveaway!

Liz Gardener, who works for My Memories Suites contacted me recently about holding a giveaway here at Becoming a Hopeful Romantic for their new, upgraded, digital scrapbooking software. I was excited to say the least to have the opportunity to test out the software, as I have been wanting to branch into digital scrapbooking!


My Memories is a simple, easy and fun software that allows you to take your pictures that would otherwise just sit in a folder on your computer or in a CD, and turns them into a complete album, documenting your fond memories to be shared with friends and family for years to come! It allows you to even do a little journaling on the page if you do so desiring, leaving behind a memory that generations and generations yet to come will be able to read about and understand what is going on in the picture and who exactly is in it.

You can make so much more than just a scrapbook, however! You can also make cards, videos, banners and buttons for a blog, personalized calendar pages…plenty of fun options! You can choose from templates already provided or downloaded from their online store, or even create your own!
As you can see below, I was able to use the software to create a Senior Photos album of a few of my Senior year pictures that we otherwise sitting in a folder on my laptop. Take a look at a few of the pages I made in literally just a few minutes!

I even made a calendar for December!

Okay, now let’s get on to the details of how you can enter to win this fantastic software!


Mandatory Entry: Visit My Memories Suite website and leave a comment telling me your favorite design.



Additional Entry: Leave a comment telling me why you'd like to win this software!



Additional Entry: Check out MyMemories social media sites, and leave a comment telling me you visited them/follow them/liked them.

Blog- http://blog.mymemories.com/



Facebook- http://www.facebook.com/pages/MyMemories/140359372717593


Twitter- http://twitter.com/#!/mymemoriessuite


Additional Entry: Share the giveaway button and/or blog about the giveaway!



Be sure to leave a comment for each entry, along with your e-mail address so I can contact you if you win! If you wish to not have your e-mail posted publicly, then just say so in each comment—if you win, I will have you e-mail me, instead of the other way around!

A winner will randomly be selected on January 1st, 2012!

But wait! There's more!

My Memories is giving away a code to all of my readers that will allow you to save $10 off of their My Memories Suite V3( The software also comes with a $10 coupon for downloads-a total value of $20 free!) Just use this promo code when you go to check out: STMMMS88639




Good luck, and enjoy everyone!

"To Date Jesus?"

Recently I received a comment containing the follow question;

“Hi! I was wondering... what do you think of the idea of 'dating Jesus'? Do you think it's too secular, or do you like it?”

Immediately my first thought was “I have never heard of the idea of ‘dating’ Jesus before, but I don’t like the sound of it at all.”  Days later, that first reaction rings ever truer. I don’t like the idea of ‘dating Jesus’—not at all.

The idea of ‘dating’ as the modern world defines it implies no dedication, no commitment. It is basically a ‘hang out’ day with the possible idea of something more serious in mind, but in the meanwhile, having a good time is all that’s important. Your biggest concern is if a second date will follow in the near future or not.

But when we are talking about Jesus, girls, we are talking about commitment! You see, the King of the Universe did not create the world, and leave it to be condemned when sin entered it. He didn’t quit us that easily. In fact, He went to extreme measures because He was moved with such compassion and love for us; He sent His one and only son to die for us!

You see, He doesn’t merely want a one time deal with us much like a date, but instead He wants us both now here on Earth and for all eternity in Heaven! Does that sound like a one time fling to you? Nah, it definitely doesn’t sound that way to me, either.

As a matter of fact, we are to have a thriving, ever growing relationship with Him! To be precise, we are described as being married to Him! “Say what?!?!” I know I know…it can be a hard thing to wrap your head around, but the Bible says in Jeremiah 3:14 "...for I am married unto you...declares the Lord" and also in Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your husband--the LORD Almighty is his name--the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." (To see more on being married to God, see my post from January 23, 2010—click here: “"Wedding Bells are Ringing" “)

If Jesus willingly died for us because He loves us so much and wants us so much, than merely giving Him a brief day here and there—much like a date—isn’t sufficient.

Rather, I believe in passionately and earnestly striving to know God more and more, and to longingly grow in our relationship with Him. I believe in falling more and more in love with Him, and never stopping—my death will just bring about a whole new glorious beginning with the truest Love of My Life!

I encourage you ladies not to merely ‘date’ Jesus, but to passionately pursue Him in the marriage-like relationship that He desires us to have with Him!


"Even a beautiful God-scripted love story can never satisfy the way Jesus does. Even the most heroic and Christlike man on earth can never fulfill the longings of our heart like the true Prince and lover of our soul (Jesus Christ). And until we are able to truly make Him our first love, until we are willing to give up our dream of an earthly love story for His sake, we will never know the fullness of Him who fills us all in all. We will always be looking to a mere man to meet the desires of our heart, rather than to the One who created us, who knows us better than we know ourselves, and who gave His very life's blood to rescue us." -Leslie Ludy

"I Was Convicted by the Law"

"This past week, I was convicted by the law. I never imagined that I would be—I thought I could get by without anyone ever knowing…I didn’t really consider what I was doing to be considered “breaking the law”, for I thought that in my desperate situation, surely it couldn’t apply to me as it would to everyone else. If I turned myself in, I was sure that no one would believe me anyways—after all, what I was saying and what they were seeing where two completely different things—no one would ever believe someone who they may just choose to believe and label as a “rebellious, troubled teenager.”




Before I completely scare you all into thinking I actually broke the law, I should clarify which law I broke—you can find it right in Galatians 6:2;

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

That’s right; God convicted me and found me guilty of not sharing my burdens with my fellow Christians."




Woops! Sorry! To read the rest of this article on being convicted by the law and sharing/bearing one another's burdens, please go to; "Grow Up 3:18"

Thank you, and enjoy!

The Secret Struggle--Being Mastered By Your Own Body

“Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything.”-1 Corinthians 6:12


There is a secret struggle that is happening among non-believers and believers alike. This secret struggle is one that people will deal with in on or all of the following ways; either you are thinking about doing it, you are doing it, or you have done it. Some have done it, without even realizing what it is, or even that it has a name. It is a struggle that a person has against their own body, and if they aren’t careful, they will become mastered by it.

I am talking about masturbation. Masturbation is, according to the dictionary, “the stimulation or manipulation of one's own genitals… self-gratification.”

Many Christians struggle with masturbation and are, for some reason, unable to give a clear answer as to whether or not it is bad or not. Many people struggle with masturbation in secret simply because of how dirty they feel, or because shame and embarrassment floods their hearts when they really think about what they are doing. For others, it is never mentioned—not during a church sermon, youth group, Bible studies—and so they don’t know where to turn to get help to stop failing prey to the temptation, or they don’t even realize that it is a sin against their own bodies.

The fact that so many Christians—especially those who write or speak about pursuing true purity—seem to ignore that this is an area that so many secretly are burdened with and are crying out for someone to help them out, flabbergasts me. Perhaps it’s because it’s one thing to admit that you have fallen for the temptation of another’s body, and a completely different thing to admit that you have fallen for the temptation of pleasing lust yourself with your own body…or so it may seem.

Perhaps you are reading this and know what I’m talking about—perhaps you have thought about pleasing the lustful desire of your body yourself, have masturbated, or are currently masturbating. Maybe you are crying out for help, but you can’t seem to find a Christian perspective on it anywhere, and you are too ashamed or embarrassed to ask anyone about it. If you are that person, then please keep reading. I can’t guarantee that I have all of the answers, but I will do my best to share from my own experiences to help you realize what I have on this very secret, very delicate topic.

There are seven main points that I want to address with you today about masturbation, and why I believe it is bad, and why it is not at all a good idea to give into it.

1. Masturbation causes you to disrespect your God-given temple:

When you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, your body becomes His dwelling place, His temple. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 states “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”

Your body is your temple to worship God with! When you give into lustful desires and decide to please the intimate desires of your human body yourself, then you disrespect your body, and violate your Holy Temple that is meant to be kept holy and pure for Him. It is like vandalizing a church! We are again reminded of this in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 which says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies"—1 Corinthians 6:18-20

We are called to honor our bodies, because it is a dwelling place for God. By caving in to the lust of our body—by masturbating—we are dishonoring our own bodies, our temples.

2. Masturbation will try to deceive you:

When a person is tempted with the idea of masturbation, a battle takes place. You can’t think clearly—you become focused only on the lustful idea of pleasing your body. Satan starts to deceive you; “It’s okay…go ahead…it’s not like you are doing it with somebody else, you are still technically a virgin”, “This is natural…there is nothing wrong with doing this”, “No one will ever know”, “It’s better to do it yourself then to drag another person in with you”, etc. Lies, lies, lies; the idea of masturbating causes us to become susceptible to buying these lies, and to giving in. In the moment, we buy the lie and think nothing is wrong with it, yet immediately afterwards, an indescribable amount of regret and shame hits us head-on. 1 Corinthians 3:18 tells us “Do not deceive yourselves…” We have that regret and shame after masturbation because we know it is wrong—we know it is displeasing to God. We have God living within us—He has given us the Holy Spirit to help us! Yet when we buy the lies, and allow ourselves to ignore what the truth, then we fall victim to what James 1:22 tells us not to do; “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves” or how the New International Translation puts it “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

3. By giving into the lust of masturbation, it only makes it stronger—you become addicted:

It only takes one time to become addicted to something, to unleash an evil, lustful hunger that will try to demand you to satisfy it. Perhaps slowly and gradually at first, but sooner rather then later, it becomes a hideous monster that you can’t seem to control. Your body wants more and more of it and you become weaker and weaker to the temptations that you face. Soon, masturbation becomes the master of you. You become trapped and ruled by this lustful, evil beast, and you don’t know how to free yourself from its grasp. There is hope though, even if this is where you are at now in your life! God tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” God will help you fight off this monster, and keep it away! Through the fight, He will be with you! (At the end of this post, I will share some tips with you to help you do just that, and seek God to help you!)

4. It controls you—it invades your thoughts, dreams, daily routine, etc:

Once you are addicted to masturbation, and it starts to become the master of you, then it will try to completely control you, to dictate you. You will be attacked and tempted to fulfill the lust of the flesh in your thoughts, in your dreams, during your daily routine, etc. You will hear a certain song, see a certain movie, see a provocatively dressed person, or any number of other such situations, and you will be overcome with the temptation to go “do it” as soon as possible. You won’t be able to think clearly or act yourself—the monster will be on the rampage.

1 Corinthians 9:27 says “But I discipline my body and keep it under control…”, and 1 Corinthians 6:12 says “Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything” or another translation reads “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.”

The only thing that should be the master of your life is nothing—only God should be the Master of our life, and He will bring you good, not bad, and help you through the hard times, not be the reason for the hard times.

5. It robs your future husband:

When you masturbate, you experience that deep, intimate feeling that God created as a gift, a bond, for a husband and wife. You selfishly fill your own desires, and please yourself by masturbating. God makes it clear that we are to only experience this intimacy with our spouse:

• Proverbs 5:19 “A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.”

• Ephesians 5:33 “… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”

• Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

When you choose to experience this intimacy on your own, then you rob your husband of that special, sacred, first time discovery that the two of you make with each other on your wedding night.
You also may be disappointed, because you have learned to please yourself, while your husband did not. It robs a husband of joy when he can’t please his wife, as that is a huge part of what makes it so special.

6. It can cause you to be tempted to go all the way when in a relationship because you know how it feels—you have a taste of it:

Some people masturbate for one of two reasons: to please selfishly please their lustful desires, or to keep from running around, “doing it” with everyone they enter into a relationship with, or even merely someone who offers. In either case, you are simply setting yourself up for further destruction and damage. By giving into masturbation—for whatever reason—you are allowing your body and mind to experience something that you aren’t to discover or experience until you are married. But since you do give in, you give your mind and body “a taste of it” so to speak, making you desire more then ever before. This can cause you to masturbate even more as point 3 said, but it can also cause you to want to do it with someone else. It makes you desire the real thing. When you enter into a relationship while having this addiction with masturbation, it is going to tempt you to actually give in and “go all the way” with your partner.

Think of it like this; when you are given a sample of a really delicious food (maybe ice cream, a pastry, etc) it causes you to want to go and buy the actual size that is sold of that product because if that little itty bitty bite was that good, then the real thing must be to die for.
The same thing applies for masturbation and actual intercourse. You’re going to desire the real thing like never before.

This is bad simply because it is only meant for married couples—no exceptions!

• 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

• Colossians 3:5 “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry”

• Titus 2:12 “training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age”

• Galatians 5:19-21 “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

7. It is a sin:

Many Christians will tell you that the Bible is not clear on masturbation, and so it really is a personal decision as to whether or not it’s considered a sin. In my opinion, the Bible is loaded with verses that apply to masturbation, and from these verses, I do believe that it is a sin.
Growing up, I attend a Christian camp that taught us that “sin is anything that you think, you say, or you do that does not please God.”
I do believe that masturbation is sin because it does displease God, it goes against many verses in the Bible, it causes you to stray from God and it causes you to fall into other areas of temptation and sin.
Psalm 119:35-37 – “Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statues and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.”



Maybe you are reading this, and have been convicted of your addiction with masturbation—maybe you want to change, you want to rid yourself of it, you want to be free and strive for true purity, but you don’t know how to. I will share with you what I have done in my past and even now in my life when I face such temptations to give in. This is what helped me, and what continues to help me stay far away from it.

1. Pray like crazy
When tempted, pray. Going straight to God and saying “God, this is what I’m tempted to do, please help me stand up and not fall beneath the weight of it all”. He will help you!

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”-Matthew 26:41
2. Read your Bible
Go straight to His word, the Bible, before you are tempted and when you are tempted. By reading His words of truth, hope and encouragement, it will help you to fight off Satan with his temptation and deceitful lies. Try to commit to memory certain voices that especially tend to impact you and help me. Use post it notes and write verses down, and hang them up all over your room—be surrounded by the truth!

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”-Psalms119:9-11


3. Avoid Media that Triggers Lust
Whether it’s a love song, a romantic movie, a romantic book, a television show, etc, avoid it. By indulging in these types of things, you are simply feeding that monster called lust, which will attack you full force when it is well fed by such things. Whatever causes you to feel the temptation or think of masturbating, flee from it!
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”- 2 Timothy 2:22


4. Think of the regret and shame
Try to remember that the moment that you give in, that horrible, unbearable regret and shame will flood your heart and mind. Remember that is bad, it is a sin; remember your conversations with God and remember His words of truth. Remind yourself that it is not worth it.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” -1 John 3:18-20


5. Think of Someone Knowing
Think about how you would feel if someone knew, or your future husband knew. Think of your future children knowing, or think of someone who looks up to you or may someday look up to you for overcoming masturbation. Allow the thought of others knowing to motivate you to rid yourself of this addiction, and to move forward, being an example of what God can help you overcome!

Also, if you do have a mentor, then I encourage you to share this secret with them. I recently shared the burdens of my heart with my trusted, older, wiser youth leader, and I was left in awe of just how impacting and amazing it was to simply have someone else to know—to have an accountability partner, to have someone praying for you, to have someone point you towards God. It simply opens yet another door to let God reach you and help you! Galatians 6:2 tells us to “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” I highly encourage you to seek out someone whom you trust, is a strong, mature Christian, and someone who is older and wiser then you to share this burden with. I know it seems scary and even embarrassing, but you will see God’s love, and feel Him! You will have someone else helping you to overcome and fight off the temptation/addiction!
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” – 1Timothy 4:12



6. Be With People
When you feel tempted to give in, run to where other people will be present. Flee from solitude, and allow the mere presence of other people help you to overcome your addiction or temptation. By being around others, it will help you to focus on conversation and enjoying life with them, instead of being ruled by lust. Get involved with a strong community of fellow believers who you know will encourage you, and not talk about things that will simply tempt you further.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” -1 John 1:7



7. Listen to Music That Helps You
Listen to Christian music that applies to what you are going through—listen to it before you are tempted and when you are tempted. Let the song’s truth fill you up.

A few suggestions are;

• “You are More”-Tenth Avenue North

• “You Can Have Me”-Sidewalk Prophets

• “You Loved Me Anyway” –Sidewalk Prophets

• “Healing Begins”—Sidewalk Prophets

• “The Words I Would Say”—Sidewalk Prophets

• “Me and Jesus”—Stellar Kart

• “Come to Jesus”—Chris Rice

• “Slow Fade”—Casting Crowns

Girls (and guys), know that there is hope, and there is a way to free yourself and overcome the temptation and addiction of masturbation—through Jesus Christ our Lord! He is willing and waiting to help you! He wants you! Flee from your temptation, and run into His arms! Allow Him to help you fight off the lust that is trying to be master of your life, and allow Him to become the only Master in your life—to “…prosper you and not to harm, to give you hope and a future.”(Jeremiah 29:11)



Don’t give up! Fight the good fight with Jesus by your side! You will overcome this!






P.S. If you ever feel like you need encouragement, prayer, or simply a caring, listening hear, then please feel free to e-mail me--I will pray for you!

(becomingahopefulromantic@yahoo.com)

Teaching People How to Treat You

My latest post will not actually be available here on Becoming a Hopeful Romantic, as it is a guest post for Miss Brittany, owner of the wonderful blog "Through the Waters".
If you would like to read it, it is called "Teaching People How to Treat You", and can be found by following this link: http://throughthewatersoflife.blogspot.com/2011/07/teaching-people-how-to-treat-you-guest.html

Enjoy!

The Lies of a So-Called "Christian" Dating Service

Just the other day a commercial came on TV for a so called “Christian Dating Service” that completely outraged me. The commercial goes like this;
“You’re Christian, you’re single and you’re looking for a meaningful relationship. Find God’s match for you at ------…..if you’re hoping to build a Christ-centered relationship, log on to ----Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move, when God is saying ‘It’s your time to act! The next move is yours.’”
The commercial starts off so “promising” sounding to a Christian who may be on the fence or all for online dating; it deceives you with the language of “You’re Christian…meaningful relationship….Christ-centered…” and then wham! It sells you the lie of the century by stating “Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move, when God is saying ‘It’s your time to act! The next move is yours.’”

I promise you, that statement is nothing but a deceitful lie, and it sickens me to see them flippantly abuse God’s name like that. They are suggesting that we are suppose to just go through our day-to-day lives, waiting for God to do something spectacular before our eyes, without us even pursuing Him, or growing in our personal relationship with Him. It suggests that God cuts us loose and says “Hey, why are you turning to Me? Go make the decisions yourself, your one you time. I’ll just sit here and watch.”


Ladies (and gentlemen), I can assure you that there is not a verse in the Bible that supports that statement, but there are plenty of verses that prove its falsehood.

• Hebrew 13:5 “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (also found in Deuteronomy 31:6, 8 and Joshua 1:5—yeah, it’s THAT important! He’s not going anywhere!)


• “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11


• “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” –Proverbs 3:5


• “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”-Proverbs 3:6


• “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”-Romans 12:2


• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” –Philippians 4:6


• “For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee to hurt thee: for I have much people in this city.” –Acts 18:10


• “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9


• “…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” –Isaiah 40:31


• “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”-1 Peter 3:15


• “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”-Hebrews 12:2


• “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”-Hebrews 11:16


• “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”-Micah 6:8


God will never simply answer your prayers by saying “Hey, it’s not My problem…you’re on your own. Go ahead and do what you think “feels” right…it’s none of my concern.” God is a just, yet loving God who cares deeply about you and has a plan for your life! He wants to walk with you every step of the way, help guide you closer and closer to Him, and help you to walk in righteousness! God sent His only begotten Son into the world, so that the world would not be left to wander about in darkness. He sent Jesus into the world to be the light in the darkness, the bridge to help us be able to come to Him! John 8:12 tells us that “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
He is the light! He has a plan for your life! God will never leave you, nor forsake you. He will never leave you hanging, or simply cut you loose.
Ladies and gentlemen, when you fully seek God with all of your heart, and make following His will for your life your most passionate desire, then He will answer you, He will lead you, and He will never not care about you.
Don’t buy the lies that the world tries selling you, even if it does slap it with the “Christian” label. The Bible warns us to watch out for false prophets (Matthew 7:15), for they are deceitful and will try to get you to buy into something that is false—run to the Bible, it is the only source of truth, because it is given to us from God.

The Bible warns us that “…the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”-2 Timothy 4:3-4

Do not get “itchy ears” and start to pursue your own desires—do not buy the “cleverly” disguised lies simply because it is what you have been hoping to hear to justify your thoughts or actions. Do not think “Well, I am already this old and still single…so maybe this commercial is right, maybe God is telling me it’s my time to act…I should sign up for this service. After all, I’m not getting any younger, and I want to be married within a few years—I’m tied of waiting.”

Instead, listen to the Holy Spirit prompting you, telling you “That’s not right—that’s a lie! Seek God’s Word! It holds the truth!”
Pursue God with every fiber of your being, and dedicate each breath of your life to Him. God has a marvelous plan for your life if only you will pursue Him, grow in Him, and allow Him to work through you in your life.

Are you willing to stop buying into the lies, and seek the truth—to seek God, and love Him more then anything else? To want His plan for your life more than your desire to be in a relationship, to get married, to have a family, etc?


Seek God,“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”-John 8:32.

Striving for Purity after You Say "I Do"

The day is finally here; the day that you have been waiting for all of your life, the day that you have been dreaming about—your Wedding Day! This is the day that your long dedication to purity is finally rewarded, and your journey on its path finally comes to a beautiful and glorious end…or not. Oh, your dedication to purity will definitely be rewarded beyond your wildest imagination on your wedding day, but your journey on Purity Road doesn’t end when you say “I do”.
You see, pursuing the pure lifestyle does not simply apply to those who are single, but also to those who are married. Purity is a lifelong journey that everyone is called to live out until the day that they awake in Heaven. Whether you are single, engaged, married, separated, widowed or in any other relational status doesn’t make the slightest difference—you are called to live out a lifestyle of purity.
Remember, true purity doesn’t simply apply to your body, but also to your mind and soul. When you are married, yes, you are rewarded with the gifts of intimacy that a God-lead marriage gives you, but it does not mean that all temptations are behind you.
Satan does not see you as being married as the end of his evil game of trying to get you to fall in your walk of purity. In fact, it’s a whole new ballgame for him. Satan may taunt you with the temptation to be unfaithful to one another, to be selfish and put yourself ahead of your spouse, to view pornography, to masturbate, to lust after another person, to have an affair, to let go of dressing modestly, to stop being careful of what you watch, listen to and read, etc.
The world is fully loaded with evil devices and deceitful lies—the last thing that it will ever encourage you to do is to remain faithful to your spouse, love them more then you love yourself, or tell you that the key to a lasting and beautiful marriage is seeking God above all else.
Striving to remain pure as a married couple is just as pivotal as striving to remain pure as a single person waiting for their future spouse. If you let it all go and stop fighting the good fight, then you will fall and find it hard to be striving to live out God’s will for your life together. Maintaining true purity in your marriage is key to living out your God written life story, and living out a beautiful and wonderful marriage together.
If you suddenly stop dressing modestly, then you are going to go straight back into tempting other men, causing your brothers in Christ to stumble and fall, disrespecting your own body, God and your husband, as well as running into the danger of a possible affair, or at least entertaining the sinful idea (since you would wrongly be attracting other men to you).
If you stop being careful of what you read, listen to and watch, then you may be tempted to put yourself first, to please yourself, to have an affair, to do ungodly things, to quit when the going gets tough, to dishonor yourself, your husband and God by what you are taking in and dwelling on.
If you roam freely on the internet, you may get hooked on pornographic websites, develop and give into lustful and evil desires, disrespect each others bodies, etc.
Marriage does not get rid of the temptations that you face while single—in fact, it tends to keep a lot of the same temptations, only add a few more into the evil mix.

Purity is a lifelong war, and one that you can win by keeping focused on God, putting Him first, and continually seeking Him in your life. Continue to dress modestly, weigh all media to Philippians 4:8, put others first (JOY—Jesus, Others, You), respect, cherish, adore and love each other, etc.
You may have won an incredibly awesome, glorious, and beautiful battle of remaining pure until your wedding day, but the war is not yet over. It is a war that you will be enlisted in to fight and to help others fight until you have breathed your last. Don’t be frightened or intimidated—you are God’s—God’s! God promises that “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”-John 10:28. When you choose to live out the pure lifestyle that God has called you to live, then you can have peace in knowing that you are on the only winning team—Jesus said “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world”-John 16:33

Do you accept to fight the good fight to strive to live out the pure lifestyle, all the days of your life? (I pray the answer is “I do!”)







A few of the many Bible verses on purity:

• Titus 2:11-12 “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age..”

• Matthew 5: 27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

• Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

• Matthew 5:8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God…”

• 2 Timothy 2:22 “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

• Titus 2:4-5 “And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

• Ephesians 5:3 “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.”

• 1 Timothy 1:10 “The sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine…”

• Galatians 5: 19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

"How Far Is Too Far?"

“How far is too far?” This is a question that I have heard countless numbers of girls ask when it comes to relationships and physical boundaries. “How far can I go, before it becomes too far, and I become impure?”
This is a very dangerous question for a girl to ask. It draws a line in the sand—that whether consciously or not—you try to get as close to as possible without crossing.

Don’t get me wrong here; it is great and in my opinion, essential, for a girl to have morals and standards, but when you start to be rather conniving to yourself, and try to go as far as possible physically, mentally, and spiritually to that line, then you run into trouble. At that point, you are no longer striving to truly live out a pure lifestyle. You may try to deceive yourself into believing you are just “cementing in” your morals, but truthfully, you are not. You are trying to do and experience as much as possible in a relationship, without feeling guilty or dirty about it, and without feeling as if you have broken your promise to purity.

This is a pit that many strong Christian girls fall into who are trying to live out a pure lifestyle. It’s a question that pops into your head as innocently as possible, tries to make you think its working in your favor, yet in reality, it is actually a tricky “loop hole” you are trying to find in your commitment to purity.

Stop and think about if for a minute: you know sex is only meant for married couples as a gift from God and you also know that the more physical you are in a relationship, the less you will have saved for your future husband. You also know that the more physical you are in a relationship, the more temptation you will face to go further and further, risking going where you should have never gone until marriage. So, why is it that you ask “How far is too far?” I think sometimes girls ask other girls, trying to make going where they crave to go feel “okay” and even justified since, after all, they too are Christian girls, and are going that far. Tricky, tricky business.
To be honest, you could decide that holding hands is the cut off point in your physical relationship, and that is perfectly fine, until you start getting as close to crossing that line as possible. “Wow, wow, wow now Heather! How can you possibly go too far holding hands?!?!” I will be honest with you and even confess that I never thought that holding hands could be considered going “too far” until I recently witnessed just that.

There is this couple that I know who always promoted themselves as being “reserved” and not wanting to go too far like “other couples” do nowadays. They had set a limit at holding hands. Seems like a strict, safe line, right? That’s what I thought too…until I started to observe their hand holding. At first, it was simple and cute; they were far enough a part from each other and gingerly held hands as they strolled along. However, as time went on, their grip became tighter and tighter. They started to move closer and closer together. They started to loop their arms together (almost as though they were tightly weaving together a basket) and topped it off with grasping each other’s hand. There wasn’t a centimeter between the two of them. They started to rather aggressive bump along next to each other while “just holding hands”. I couldn’t believe how absolutely disgusted I felt just from seeing them “holding hands” as they claimed it to be. I thought perhaps I was just going crazy, until those close to me started to share how it disgusted them as well, and how they had never seen “holding hands” seem so inappropriate before.
They may have drawn a “good” line in the sand, but when their motives turned to wanting to feel and experience as much as possible in their relationship, and getting as close to that line as possible, they ran into trouble.

This is what I am trying to get across to you all; when you ask “how far is too far?” you run into the danger of misplacing your priorities. In that moment, you are allowing the desire’s of the flesh to rise above your desire to live out the pure lifestyle. If you feel as though you need to “justify” your actions, then it’s “too far.” When you put your relationship above God, then it’s “too far”.

You see, the question a girl should ask is “How can I continue to strive towards living out a true lifestyle of purity that is honoring and glorifying to God?” Now that’s a winning, non-deceitful, beautiful, passionate question! You see, purity is something you want to go at with all of your being; it does not just apply to your relationship with a significant other, but to everyone you come into contact with and to everything that you do. How you talk to people, what you read, what you listen to, how you act, what you wear, what you think, what you look at—everything! Purity does not end when you get married; it is a life long journey.

Below are just a few of the many verses in which God calls us to live out our lives purely:

• “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.” –1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

• “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”—Proverbs 4:23

• “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”- James 1:14-15

• “Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh” –Romans 13:14

• “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.”—Romans 8:5-8

• “All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD”—Proverbs 16:2

Leslie Ludy, a great inspiration in my life, and a valuable tool that God has used to work in my life, made a short little video on this very topic called “True Purity.” Please consider taking the 11 minutes and 26 seconds to listen to what she God has laid on her heart to share—trust me, the time flies by, yet the impact lingers on you for a lifetime!

I encourage all of you girls to strive to live out the pure lifestyle, and to ask yourself this question; “How can I continue to strive towards living out a true lifestyle of purity that is honoring and glorifying to God?”






NOTE: In my next blog post, I will be talking about how purity does not simply end with marriage, but how it is a lifelong journey.

"Who Holds the Key to Your Heart?"

“Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” Proverbs 4:23

A heart is so much more then just some body part—it is essential for living. A person can loose their eyes, ears, arms, legs, and even a kidney, and yet still be alive. But if your heart goes out, so do you. The same is true not only for the body, but for the soul and spirit of a person. If your heart gets hurt, abused, taken advantage of, betrayed, or is easily won over, then it will be severely broken, or even die if not taken care of immediately.

God did not put this verse in the Bible just to create a pretty analogy to entertain His readers with; He put it in for a purpose, to warn His children to guard their hearts. God created humans, and even became a human Himself for a while, and so He knows precisely how it effects a person beyond just the bodily aspect of keeping them physically alive. It also keeps a person and makes them up spiritually, which is reflected into their daily lifestyles. The heart is your wellspring, it is the source of what makes you, you!

It is so precious and fragile, and yet so complicated, that there are parts and feelings it holds that are specially reserved as a gift for married couples. This results in the need for us to be alert and guarding our hearts at all times; primarily, when it comes to relationships.

This is especially true for females, who tend to have a God-given desire to be loved, cherished, protected and understood by an earthly, godly man. This is not a bad thing at all, except for when we go seeking it from a bunch of different guys through flirting or relationships, instead of realizing that God already fulfills this desire, and only our God-given future husband could help amplify it.

Sadly though, too often then not, we tend to give out keys to our hearts to a bunch of different guys who we take a fancying too. We give it out to “close” guy friends, guys we have crushes on, and guys that we enter into relationships with. This is so dangerous and destructive to not only you, but also to that special, reserved gift that your heart holds, that God wants you to give only to your future husband.

When you allow a guy to have the key to your heart when you are not in a serious relationship (and by serious, I mean he proposed and you’re engaged, or your getting extremely close to that point), then you are giving out thoughts, feelings, gestures, and the overall intimacy of allowing someone to see and know you on that deep of a level. You are giving away pieces of your heart (such as saying “I love you” to him…and then to the next one…and the guy after him too…, hugging him, telling him your “dream wedding”, etc) that are not meant to be given away to anyone except to number one ,God and number two, your husband.

You see, when you willingly give out these keys to your heart, you allow the guy to unlock your heart anytime he wants, and to cause you even more pain—especially when the relationship ends.
You have allowed a guy(or quite a few) to see and experience the intimacy of knowing you on that deep of a level, and unlocking that special, reserved gift. By not guarding your heart and by handing out keys to other guys, you end up having to experience the pain of that gift being torn apart and mistreated. You become known as “easy” to get, guys brag it up to their friends on how they “conquered” you, you feel like you’ve lost your value, you feel guilty for neglecting to guard your heart, you feel used, you may get depressed, you may lower your standards and morals; the list of emotions and actions that you may experience as a result is endless and varies for each girl, yet one thing is certain—all girls will feel hurt. You will feel the exact opposite of what you set out to find, which was to be loved, cherished, appreciated, protected, valued and understood.
Girls, you are God’s girls; God’s! He loves you so much! He does not want to see you go through such unnecessary pain, but instead wants to help protect your heart. When you surrender the master key of your heart over to God, He will protect it, not allow anyone to abuse it and will only hand it over to “the one” He has hand-picked out for you.(only after he has won it, of course!)
Even if you have already allowed someone to have the key to your heart who wasn’t suppose to have it, He will help you take those keys back, help you heal, help you guard your heart, remind you that YOU are still ridiculously and passionately loved by Him, and that He has something amazing in store for you. With God, all things are possible!

Are you watching…

1. What You Say: Are you waiting to say “I love you” until you hear it, and can earnestly say it in return, and feel as though this person is “the one” from God? Are you telling boys about your secret hopes and dreams, your deep, intimate, personal thoughts? ( such as your wedding dreams, ways that a guy could win over your heart, etc)

2. Your Physical Contact: Are you guarding your interaction with the opposite sex? Are you giving out too many front-on, tight, long hugs instead of quick, friendly, side hugs? Are you saving your kisses for someone who actually deserves them, someone you are serious with, or are you kissing another girl’s future husband?

3. How You Conduct Yourself: Are you being flirtatious and constantly trying to be the center of attention around guys, or are you protecting yourself, respecting your future husband, and helping to protect the hearts of the guys around you? Do you wear your heart on your sleeve, and tend to be a “pity and protect me” type of girl, instead of a girl who is looking out for others, and whose Protector is God?

4. What You Think: Are you hoping that this guy you like will ask you about something so you can spill your heart out to him? Do you imagine and fantasize about situations in which this specific boy wins your heart, protects you, cherishes you, has “deep, emotional conversations and contact with you” etc?


Girls, are you protecting the key to your heart, the key to your wellspring of life? Are you guarding the special intimacy that God has placed within you, and experiencing it with God, while waiting to see if it is in His will for you to experience it with an earthly man someday?

How many copies of the original key to your heart have you made and handed out to different guys? Are you willing to seek God out, and allow Him to help you take back those keys, and hold on to the master key of your heart, until He places “the one” in your life?


Guard your heart girls, for it is the wellspring of your life.




Question: How do you girls protect and guard your heart? Please share with your sisters in Christ ways that you are protecting and guarding your heart!

Dancing with Jesus Ministry

 Recently I received an e-mail from a great Christian girl named Angelica, who is apart of a newly arising ministry called Dancing with Jesus. I visited the ministry's website, and decided it was a great ministry to spread the word about. 

“Dancing with Jesus is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and help to teen girls who are facing a hard time in their lives, those who are dealing with depression, addictions, loss of a loved one, relationship problems, having trouble with their relationship with Christ, or just wanting to learn more about the Master Creator. We are here for you, and we desire to help you in any way possible. Dancing with Jesus plans on doing this through the love and guidance of our Lord Jesus Christ, who is hope and who is help. Dancing with Jesus exists to encourage, inform, inspire, speak truth, and spread the word of our Father, God.” -From "The Mission Statement" for Dancing with Jesus

If you are hurting, depressed, dealing with loss, going through relationship struggles, have family struggles, prayer requests, need help with your relationship with Christ, or just need a somebody safe to talk to, then try visiting Dancing with Jesus Ministry at;

Dancing with Jesus--The Website

               or

Dancing with Jesus--The Blog

"Purity is More than Just Skin Deep"



True Purity is Found By Pursuing Jesus.





Titus 1:15 “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.”

Don’t put finding the one first in your life. The only place I want you to put that is in the only place it belongs—in your Truest Lover’s hands (Jesus’!). The point of this blog is not to turn you into girls who obsess over their future husband non-stop.

The point of this blog is to challenge and show girls how to live out the pure lifestyle that God desires us to live (body, mind, and soul), and through that, to learn to trust and love God more then anything else.
The point of this blog is to learn how to turn over all areas of your life to Him (relationships, friends, future dreams, the way you dress, the way you talk, etc) and to fall more and more in love with Him, and what He desires and dreams up for your life.  You see, true purity does not simply apply to our romantic relationships, thoughts, or the way we dress. It affects every area of our lives.
It should affect how we treat our siblings, our parents, our friends, guys, complete strangers even. It should affect how we dress not only when we are around guys specifically, but any place we ever go—that includes at home if your dad or brothers are present. It includes our social media sites—we should not be posing in skimpy or seductive outfits, and then posting the photos on our Facebook pages. We should not be taking pictures in our bathrooms, laying on our beds, or doing suggestive poses; how can anyone—include yourself—benefit from such photos, and how is at all honoring to God? It should affect our media intake; what we watch, listen to, and read. Does it pass the 1 Timothy 4:12 test, or the Philippians 4:8 test?

True purity affects our motives, our reasoning, and helps people to easily see that we are God’s children. God-called purity is not limited to a specific area of your life; it applies to all areas of your life, through all stages of your life—even after you are married.
It is a lifestyle; Jesus lived a pure life style. Being a Christian, we are to be Christ-like, and we are to strive daily to follow His example.

Whenever the topic of purity is brought up during church sermons, youth group, or abstinence rallies, the whole point driven into people is this: “Don’t have sex. wait for marriage.” Now, I believe in and stand for that 100%, but the thing is, they allow people to leave with a butchered view of what complete and true purity is.
True purity is not about saying “Okay, as long as I don’t do this, then I’m good to go”, or asking “How close can I get to doing it, without loosing my purity?” Rather, the question that should be asked is “How far away can I get from that line, in order to honor God, myself, and my future spouse?”
Purity applies to all aspects of the Christian life—not just the physical or relationship aspect of it. Complete purity does of course include the body, but also the mind and soul. A person can not have just one of those, and be truly pure—true purity requires all three parts to be complete.
Purity affects how we think, talk, act, feel and what we do. It should be involved heavily in every aspect of your life. You see, God never says “you only have to be pure for marriage.” Yes, He specifically mentions that we are meant to be pure for marriage, but there are also verses in the Bible that calls us to live out purity in every way possible.

Take a look at the list of Bible verses below:

• 1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
• 1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
• 1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
• Matthew 5:8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
• Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
• 1 Peter 1:22 “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.”
• James 4:8 “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded”
• Titus 1:15 “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted”

God makes it very clear that He desires for us to live a life of absolute purity—of true purity! I think that Titus 1:15 sums it all up when it says “To the pure, all things are pure…”
All things—not just your romantic relationships, how you treat your body, or how you dress. All things.
That means how you treat your family, friends, guys, elders, strangers, the content of your social media sites, the material you take in from the radio, TV, or internet, what you think about, who you think about, and how you think about them, how you act in public, in church or just at home; all areas of your life.

True purity is seeing how God desires you to live your life, and running full force at it, striving to reach it and maintain it all the days of your life. Purity is not bonding or legalistic, but freeing, invigorating, and inspiring!



Are all areas of your life lived out in true purity inspired by Jesus Christ Himself, or do you have some early spring cleaning to do?

"Online Dating"

This is one of those topics that tends to even trip Christians up.


“Is online dating okay? Is it possible to find ‘the one’ by means of online dating? Is there anything wrong with using a website to find ‘the one’? Isn’t it possible that God may have it in His plan for you to meet someone online, instead of in person? What’s so wrong with online dating? I know people who met via the internet, and are now happily married.” The questions go on and on, and I must admit, I did not want to touch this topic, though it nagged me left and right to take it on. The fact was, I knew I did not personally like the idea of online dating, but I really had not taken the time to dwell on why I didn’t like it. I had no concrete case, or opinion to represent. Over the course of two days, God has helped me realize what exactly bugs me about online dating.

Take a look at the list below which lists my reasons in order from least important, to most important. As you will notice, all of the reasons intertwine with one another to knit together one big reason why online dating is not a good idea. The first three are heavily opinionated, so bare with me and keep that in mind, but the last three are the points I really want you to soak in, consider, and talk to God about.
1. Its wimpy and easy. How much effort does it really take to log online and see if you have any “matches”? No more effort then it takes to log into FaceBook or your e-mail account. You see, online dating completely takes chivalry and real romance out of the picture. “Oh look! It’s a virtual card with a virtual rose in it!” Yeah. I’m sorry, call me old-fashioned, but I want my one from God to woe me, to fight for me, to protect me, to really know me, to pursue me! I don’t want him to send me a virtual card accompanied with a dozen virtual red roses; I want him to knock on my door, shy and sheepish, and hand me a dozen real roses with a real card that has real, hand written, thought filled words from him written inside. Or he could even pick me wildflowers for free and make me a card using construction paper—still so much more romantic then a virtual anything! The fact is virtual is easy and simple. Sure he sent you a virtual card and rose, but guess what? He can also simply select “send to all” with no more effort attached. He doesn’t have to step out of his comfort zone, man up, and pursue you. He can hide behind the comfort of his computer screen. Men are suppose to be just that; men! They are given by God the job to pursue, lead, and love their God-sent-girl with every fiber of their being; not to wait for some computer to generate “matches” that it thinks will work well with you—no real romance or pursuing involved.

2. It is so unromantic: Yeah, nothing says “I love you” like a left pointing arrow and a number three (<3). I can not seem to find anything even remotely romantic about online dating. It seems desperate, unhopeful and fake. People go on and on typing out a “conversation” online, yet they miss out on the body language. Body language can reveal so much about a person. It can tell you if they sincerely seem to be interested in you, if they are putting on a front, if they are telling the truth, if you are really getting along, you can hear their voice and laugh, etc.
Online "romance" consists of you receiving virtual cards and roses, you gazing into the glare of the computer screen, and you laughing out loud in an empty room, while the person who made you laugh only gets to see an “lol” typed in; doesn't that just make your hear melt...of sadness?

Like I mentioned in the previous point, you don’t get to actually experience being pursued with a godly passion—you completely miss out on the man taking the lead, and doing what he feels God pressing on his heart to do. You miss every smile, word, and look—no smiley icon in chat form can make up for it. It’s simply not romantic.

I like how Eric Ludy puts it in “When God Writes Your Love Story” when he says;

“Maybe this is a personal thing, but the idea of using a Christian online dating service as the catalyst for a lifelong love story seems about as unromantic and unamazing as it gets. I realize that “romantic” and “amazing” may not be at the top of your laundry list when it comes to your love life. In fact, you may be thinking “It’s either cyber-dating, Eric, or I’ve got nothing!” Well, you do have God. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s perfectly plausible that two people could meet, fall in love, and build a God-honoring love story in and through the means of an online dating service. However, that being said, it is also perfectly plausible that two people could do the very same thing after meeting at a single’s bar. The fact that good things can miraculously emerge out of less-than-perfect places serves more as evidence of a redemptive God than as an endorsement for frequenting less-than-perfect places. And to be honest, that is how I see online dating services. I don’t necessarily put cyber-dating in the same category of hooking up with someone at a single’s bar, but it’s certainly a less-than-perfect way to go about the process of building a love story. One young woman who recently wrote to Leslie about her experiences with a Christian online dating network said, “I felt like I was in the midst of a school of sharks!” Another young man I talked with said, “It was nothing but a meat market.”

As both of these individuals discovered, even in “Christian” online dating environments there is plenty of temptation toward emotion-led, humanly manipulated romance, plus there is the added disadvantage of not getting to know someone in real-life situation. This can open up a lot of opportunities for subtle deception.

It’s not that meeting someone through an online dating network can’t involve God, and it’s not that God can’t take the pen in and through that process to script a beautiful tale. However, in the whole scheme of God’s intent for romance and relationships, online dating ranks fairly low on the desirability scale. It’s simply an underwhelming expression of God’s limitless ability in this all-important arena.

God loves to do things in an unpredictable fashion. He loves the marvel and wonder of surprise. He loves the faith-building, character deepening dependency of waiting and trusting. Remember, He created romance. He knows how to maximize it. If both God and Christian online dating services are in the business of building love stories, I say choose God’s rendition; you will not be disappointed.”

(“When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy; Expanded Edition, Page 283-284)

 3. Its impersonal! You really, truly do not know who you are actually talking to. Sure, he may claim to be a “handsome, twenty-something, successful business man”, when he is really a “shady, fifty-something, fraud offender”. He can claim things left and right--And vice versa—that aren’t true. You haven’t got a leg to stand on when it comes to what’s true and what isn’t in the world of online dating.
You plain and simple do not get to really, truly know the person. When you do online dating, you don’t get to see how the person is with their family and friends. You can’t see if they practice and live out what they claim to do. To sum this up nicely, their actions speak louder then their words; and since you are online and don’t get to see them on a day-to-day normal basis (such as at church, hanging out with their family, at the store, with children, with friends, etc), then all you are “hearing” is their words. You get a very inaccurate and incomplete picture of that person.

In most cases, you and the other person tend to put up a front. You perfect yourself, or make yourself out to be someone who you are not. This is the same concept we see when you agree to go on a date with a person in real life, without having known them through friendship first. You both put on a front. You both act differently and unlike yourselves, and if your family and close friends could see you, they would know it’s not who you really are, or how you really act. The same happens with online dating. You can “beef up” all of your good qualities, and put on a front to make the other person believe you are the person you’ve perhaps always wanted to be, but who you aren’t in real life. You are utterly blinded as to who you are really talking to and supposively “getting to know.” This leads us to our next point…

4. It is dangerous! The person you are talking to online is a stranger; plain and simple. You have never met them in real life; you don’t really know anything about them. After all, who is going to put that they are thief, liar or womanizer on their “Qualities” list? The point is that they can hide behind a fake identity online, and convince you that they are the person who you are meant to be with for life. It does not matter if it’s a “Christian” dating service—the computer doesn’t know who is and isn’t a real, growing, mature Christian! Only you can know that by observing them in real life in a real, non-pressured atmosphere; not via the internet.

I have heard countless horror stories about girls being tracked down by complete creeps, who were nothing like they claimed to be. Sadly, you read in the newspaper about many girls who are actually horribly killed when they go to meet this “lover” they met through the internet. Please girls, keep safe! This is just not worth risking!


5. You skip the friendship phase. Think about it—you are on a dating site; both of you have plans of dating, not being friends first. Neither of you really, truly plan on getting to know one another with no romantic thoughts in mind. With this fact being established, it becomes obvious that you are not seeking God’s will for your life(more on this in a second). Sure, you can claim that you will just use it to meet someone, chat with, and “get to know better as friends”, but honey, when you clicked on that dating website, all such notions went out the window! I highly advise to never, under any circumstances jump into a dating relationship without having been friends first in real life, and I most definitely am going to advise you to not even consider nose-diving into a dating relationship with someone you met through the internet!

The friendship phase (before even thinking about if God wants you to enter into a deeper relationship) is so incredibly vital. Through friendship, you really get to know the person; you see if they practice what they preach, if they are strong, mature Christians, if they are kind and loving, you see how they treat their family, friends, and jr. church kids, and you get to know if their heart’s desire is to follow God and His will for their life. You get to know who the person actually is compared to who the person wants you to think they are.



6. Its not trusting God. When you get impatient, desperate, hopeless and discontent, and you take matters into your own hands by joining an online dating site, then you are not trusting God to write your love story. People tend to join dating sites as a last resort, or for “fun”, and to try to find someone to enter into a relationship with. However, if you have truly handed the pen of your love story—as well as your life story—over to God, and have trusted Him to do His will for you in your life, then you don’t become hopeless, discontent, or desperate. If you are truly trusting God, and are faithful to Him, then you aren’t going to grab the pen back, trade it in for a computer mouse, and jump online to hurry up before you reach your so called “expiration date.” That’s not trusting God, waiting on His timing, or following through with the plan He has for your life—whether that is to be as a married woman or remain single.
We serve a loving, creative God! I can guarantee you that He is far more original then some computer system that picks “matches” for you in life. In my opinion, it more often then not tends to pick the type of matches you find with socks. When they are rolled into a pair, they look like a perfect match. However, when you take them apart, you see they are not a match at all. You end up with an ankle sock with no difference in toe color, to a knee high sock with grey toes. The two different socks end up being tossed back into the basket of socks waiting to be matched. However, what if you were to have God match you up a pair of socks? They would look perfect together on the outside, and when you take them apart, you can see that they really, truly do belong together. They are both ankle length socks with the same toe coloring, and the exact same size. A perfect, beautiful match both inside and out.
Of course we aren’t really talking about socks; we are talking about people! Dating services may give you a so called “match”, yet when you really examine it, you realize you two are completely incompatible, and are not each other’s one. But when God says “Here is your match, your other half, your one”, you have the most beautiful, perfect, and fulfilling compatibility.



Girls and guys, please do not get desperate, loose faith in, or grab the pen back from God. Trust Him! Be content with whatever He has planned for your life! If you try to go against that, you will not find contentment, peace, or joy. You will just find heartache, un-fulfillment, and misery. God knows best, and He dreams of and wants the best for your life! He has known you since He knit you together in your mother’s womb; no computer generated dating service can ever top that!

Plus, you don’t need to pay God to write you a love story; all you need to do is trust in Him, give Him the pen, and He will write an absolutely beautiful and breathtaking best seller!